February 2023, Newsletter

DO we really CARE?  

There has been a lot of discussion over the past few meetings about how we look after ourselves, how we actually CARE for ourselves.  For some of us this notion can feel almost uncomfortable, if not positively alien.  Care?  For ourselves?  Perhaps the idea of caring for ourselves is seen as indulgent, self-interested, faddy,  only for women or for the worried well. Perhaps we feel that people who have time to care have, frankly, far too much time on their hands.  Others may argue that this is all part of the new individualistic society and that this focus on our ‘selves’ is half the problem.   All these notions and all this possible conditioning aside, it is helpful to look at how we care for those we love?  What do we do for them to support and care for them?  It could even come down to our much loved pet!  Do we make sure they are fed, and not only fed, but fed well – nourished?  Do we ensure they have enough fresh air and exercise?  Do we give them chances to play?  Do we keep them clean and make sure that they have a cosy bed to sleep in?  Yes, and this is still just talking about the pets.  These essential ingredients for well-being are often things that we give readily and freely to our pets, to those around us and then, we realise that  we ourselves are skipping lunch regularly, snacking on stale crisps, putting off our exercise or time to hang out with friends, procrastinating and losing hours scrolling mindlessly.   Most often we put ourselves last, we neglect ourselves and yet the greatest gift we can give to those around us and our family and friends is our whole selves.   When we model to our children that it is not only OK to look after yourself, to nurture yourself, but vital and important, then we are giving them the pass to find and act on this too.   When our children are not well or are struggling, we can lose this sense of self care and preservation in a heartbeat as worry becomes consuming and their life takes centre stage.  Sometimes this contributes to an escalation.  Where we can model a sense of proportion, of life going on, of commitment to the needs of ourselves and other family members as well as theirs, then a feeling of sanity and fundamental safety prevails and we provide a bedrock for recovery.  

We have shared many things that we do to support and enrich our selves and our lives and almost universally they come to some fundamentals: good food (mostly!), time to rest, time to be out in nature and to move and exercise, time to have FUN and play, time to feed our minds and souls and above all to connect, to feel connected.   It has often been said that the opposite of addiction is connection – where do we get our sense of connection? There is connection to people,  but also to something greater than ourselves – our spiritual life – and then connection to nature, to the earth.  Simple things that provide the true sustenance of life and bolster us when the chips are down.

Above is a really interesting talk from Johann Hari on addiction and expands on the research done around the relationship between addiction and isolation.